Quitting

My life’s mantra is “If it can be done, it can be done by me”.

I don’t think I’m being cocky by saying this, I just don’t believe that there is anybody out there that is any better than me. So if they are capable of doing something then why shouldn’t I be as equally capable?

And I don’t just believe this about myself, I believe this holds true for everybody. In my presentations my motto is the one above, but my message is “and if I can do it, what’s stopping you?”

Of course, I know there are realities with inherent restrictions. Can I be a gold medal gymnast? At 6’2″ tall, that is unlikely. Of course, can any 6’2″ individual win the gold? So there you go, maybe it can’t be done.

I’ll get into this philosophy a little more when I post my views on “Attitude”.

But today I am faced with a dilemma. Just under a year ago I bought a 4 year old quarter horse. She was completely wild and had never been handled by anyone before. She just lived in herd where, even at 4 years old, she was the dominant mare. Prior to this I had no experience with horses. I knew next to nothing about them. I had only ridden the next-to-dead trail horses at the trail riding centers. But my plan with this horse was to work with her and break her to saddle all by myself.

“If it can be done, it can be done by me”

Here is where I forgot about some of the inherent restrictions with some tasks. Can this horse be trained to ride?

Certainly, without question.

Can this horse be trained by someone who has never worked or truly ridden a horse before?

“hmmmmm, good question”

Well the answer is ultimately “YES”. I was successful with all my ground work, and was able to back her without incident. We began with walking and she responded very well. She turned and stopped without hesitation, but you could tell by her ears and posture that she was always at high alert.

It was my third or fourth ride when I started to relax a bit more that I let my guard down. Something unknown to me, maybe it was something in the woods or something I did, but she spooked and lunged forward. Quarter horses are known for their power and quickness. She went from 0 to 60 in a blink of an eye, and I went off the back.

“Ouch”, that hurt. But I got back on and we finished the lesson.

Then, 4 out of the next 6 rides the same thing happened. Off the back I went.

“A man’s got to know his limitations”. If I was a better rider, I would: a) be able to anticipate when she might lunge forward and deal with it and/or b) ride through her lunge and quiet her down.

Can I be this good a rider? Certainly, no doubt. “If it can be done, it can be done by me”. But can I become this good a rider overnight or in a week or 2?

No, that’s probably not possible.

So, since I don’t have the time to work with my horse AND ride another horse to find my seat, I hired a trainer to work with Xena. Sure enough, seeing the way he handled her to quiet her down showed me that I was months, if not years, away from being a competent enough rider to calm her down.

After 4 lessons for Xena, she was responding much better and was much calmer under saddle. So I mounted her again, under the watchful eye of my trainer, and everything went perfectly. Okay, not “perfectly”. Xena behaved perfectly, but I kept making mistakes with my body and hand positions and I kept confusing her, so she would stop.

My fault, not hers.

Two days later I mounted her again on my own. The first 15 or 20 minutes went smoothly, although I kept making mistakes and confusing Xena. But then, all of a sudden, something went wrong. I don’t know if it was something I did (probably), but Xena started bucking and rearing rodeo style! I stayed with her as she took the straight line, but when she approached the wall, she turned and twisted suddenly, and this is when I was launched.

I think my bad knee landed first, then my butt, then my helmeted head slammed the wall. When the trainer came in to the arena to see what the loud thud was, I was standing on one side of the arena checking for any damage to my helmet, and Xena was on the other side of the arena.

I have now come to an important question in my life. “Is Xena too much horse for me?” If so, the next question is “Should I sell her and find a quieter horse?”

The answer to the first question is actually very simple. “At my current level of riding ability, she certainly is”. But if I sell her, then I will be quitting.

If you’ve read my book, you’ll know I’ve gone through some pretty tough stuff in my life and I NEVER quit. But this may be a little different.

Can I spend the time and work through my trials with Xena? I believe I can. I know it will mean more falls though. Falls are not a possibility. Falls are GUARANTEED. The next question is, “can I survive all of the falls?” I’ve gone off Xena about 8 times now. One time I slammed my hip into a round ring post and walked with a limp for about a week. Yesterday I slammed my head into the wall loud enough to bring the trainer into the arena. But I haven’t been seriously hurt “yet”.

“Is sticking with Xena worth the risk?” I guess I have to ask myself, how big is the risk? How can I possibly get hurt? If I do get hurt what do I stand at risk of losing? If breaking my arm was the worst thing that could happen, I would probably stick with it. But what if I end up like Christopher Reed?

So what is the purpose behind this post? To be honest, I think it was written to give me some clarity. To put the reality of the situation into black and white. In the past I have written posts like this and then deleted them once I found my answer. I wonder if this will get posted?

“If it can be done, it can be done by me?”

This is an important statement for me. If I leave Xena, what does that do to my psyche in regard to that statement? Will my confidence be shaken in future crazy undertakings. Does selling Xena equate to quitting and failure?

The reality is that in some ways it does. But above all else I have to keep my priorities in mind. My health is definitely in my top 3 list of overall priorities. Training a wild horse doesn’t break the top 10.

So is there anything wrong with quitting? “Wanderer” comes to mind here. From reading his posts, it seems he is all about living primarily guided by one’s value system. So if I value my health over my pride, then the answer to that should be simple….

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